For all of you who are in recovery, or thinking it might be a good idea, and for all the “loved ones” who might now have come to the conclusion that you can’t “fix it”, the following might strike you as serious and depressing. For all those who haven’t experienced this, you might find the following hilarious, thinking to yourself, “How could these people let this happen to themselves.”

My husband got up early one morning and just had to go to the local CVS for some odd reason. I had been trying to “bust” him for a while, but never had the ultimate CSI proof I needed. At this point he was getting sloppy covering his tracks and all I had to do was rummage through the bathroom garbage container and “ta-dah”, there it was! The receipt from CVS (with no extra coupons) with the vodka clearly listed. I immediately marched out to the backyard, paper in hand, waving it around like a flag on the 4 th . Now I know what you’re thinking, “Why didn’t you just hire one of those intervention specialists?” For one, it was 7 a.m., and for another thing, I was sure my way was the best, and lastly, I HAD HIT ROCK BOTTOM.

I’ve gone to many meetings since then and inevitably the recovering addict, while sharing their own “experience, strength, and hope”, will tell the audience all about their “rock bottom” moment. I’m here to tell you that I got there first! About 20 minutes, to be exact. In my big sermon and my best non-yelling voice (I didn’t want the neighbors in on our dirty little secret) I simply said that I loved him but I wasn’t going to hang around and watch him kill himself…end of discussion. Then I got really, really angry when he accused me of snooping around the garbage can. “The NERVE”!!!!! As I was heading towards the suitcase area (trying to decide if I should pack him or myself) he finally broke down and hit his own ROCK BOTTOM.

Perhaps this is a good time to back up and give you the details about how he got to this stage in his addiction. It’s pretty common and typical. Husband retires, husband has had back issues for a while, husband enjoys vodka and wine. No hobbies except the above. Husband has a “pusher”, a legal one, under the guise of “pain management specialist”. Now in all fairness to the medical profession, I’m sure that they truly believe that a mature adult will follow the directions CLEARLY written on the bottle of meds. “DO NOT TAKE WITH ALCOHOL. TAKE ONE EVERY SIX HOURS OR AS NEEDED’.

Well my guess is that these doctors and pharm companies have no idea who they are dealing with. There seems to have come to a point where “managing” pain has become he desired recreational activity of choice for lots of adults, and truly has no age or gender bias. It’s a downward spiral from there, and if you ever were required to read “Dante’s Inferno”, you can see it in level four…on the way to HELL.

A few months prior to this day, I had been reading my monthly newsletter from my health insurance company. I’m fortunate to have great coverage, which is one compensation for teaching in a large urban school district. They are painfully aware that the “ground troops” will most likely be in need of both physical and mental health support at some point in their career. There was an article about how recovery programs were covered (I bet lots of teachers need that). I read this out loud to my husband, hoping maybe he would take the hint…What was I thinking? Meet the Rest of the Fam

We have two grown children. Our son and his lovely wife have blessed us with four grand children and our daughter…well let’s just say….is the reason you should sit up and pay attention to those public service announcements about locking up your meds. In true codependent fashion, I had been making excuses for why our grandchildren should not drop over to visit. My daughter had been going along for the ride, enjoying the game of hide-and-seek with the meds. Exploding out of denial was a freeing experience and realizing that I didn’t have to live with this guy anymore was exhilarating. The kids somehow banned together and my son quickly researched my health plan and found CFR, called and basically hounded them, and I think somewhere along the line, my husband actually talked to them. At first he said that they didn’t have room that day and then it turned into the next day and the next. In true addict fashion he was putting off the inevitable. I believe it was my son who finally set a date. The timeline is hard for me, because let me remind you, by this time I was OUT OF THERE! My daughter stepped up to the plate and dropped her dad off at the door, drunk and loaded on his meds. I think this experience cured her of her own on and off addiction. To this day my daughter will tell you that it was like dropping a kid off at preschool for the first time. Right now she’s telling me that it was the meanest thing I ever made her do. I love her deeply and will always “owe her one big time”.

Singing the Praises of CFR It took a week worth of intense detoxification to get the poisons out of his system. I couldn’t believe that he would be able to survive without his meds, but somehow he managed, thanks to the experienced care of the staff. From there he went to a residence program for 28 days.

I attend a weekly family group for the “loved ones” and let me tell you that people share out how happy they are that their addict is safely being watched over 24/7. They talk about it like it’s some kind of dream vacation…hey, let’s go to Bali! That’s what it was like for me. I got to come home after a tough day and not have to face a stumbling human being who was also intent on burning down the house. I could finally just breathe! Then, after a mere five days at the residence I got the “call”.

It was on a Friday. Apparently my husband had had a high fever for the past two days and wasn’t doing very well and they wanted me to pick him up. The first thought that came to my head was, “What the f….You’re two blocks from the hospital, just drop him off there!”. But no! I had to pick him up and nurse him throughout the weekend until he could go see our primary care physician. He was diagnosed with walking pneumonia and was sent home with massive doses of antibiotics. Fortunately by that time he was dedicated enough to his recovery that he insisted on finishing his time in the residence. I dropped him back off with a smile and gratitude and resumed my vacation.

One of the very best parts about the CFR program is the four week educational piece. As a “loved one” you have the opportunity to attend family group where you are free to vent to your hearts content, and then attend classes along with your addict that explains the medical condition of addiction, codependency, anger management (just for you), and some touchy-feely classes to help you get in touch with your situation (basically coming out of denial). Meanwhile your addict gets to go to lots and lots of meetings on a daily basis.

To use a well-wore phrase, my husband took to his recovery like a fish to water. He quickly became the “poster boy” for recovery (in true addict fashion). He got a wonderful sponsor. Just let me say that this is the best invention ever. As you are told in your family group, you have to fire yourself from being the major mechanic in the scheme of things. The sponsor will say things to your addict that you only wished you could say. The sponsor is also on top of the 12 step program and is dedicated to making sure that those steps are being worked on. Your loved one can also share out some shameful feelings that they have to face, preferably not to your face.

Self Care Yahoo!!!! There are several organizations dedicated to those who live with an addict. There’s Al-anon, Nar-anon, one for teens, and CODA (for the codependent). CFR has a family group. It was there that I came to the realization that I had my own recovery to attend to. It was tough and I cried a lot.

Family Recovery